Single gay: I didn't know it hurt that much..

I have a friend I told you about, Pete who is in prison.
We are like best of friends that I feel a peace of me is missing all the time.
He knows I have dated a few guys since he has been away.
Pete is not what you would call gay,but he loves me enough to have sex with me. Isn't that cute? I think so.

I did seen a guy I was dating a while back tonight at work. We went out for 6 or 8 months, and I was, well in love.
He was 18 when we met, and now 20.
When I saw him tonight it mad me feel kind of sad and mad at the same time.
I didn't realize how much I have been avoiding going and looking to date again.
Matt hurt me real bad when we broke up, and seeing him again brought back how much I loved him.
I wonder if that's why he came to my work tonight?

My relationship with Pete is like a friendship and more, but with love and me caring about him very much. Not being gay, how much can we have a sexual relationship?
Pete looks more to me for stability and caring about him more than anything else. Now that he's 28, he still has a life to live, and I would never stand in his way, just as long as I'm a part of that.
So the situation we have been in is fine.

The thing with Matt tho I thought I was over him, but seeing him brought back some feelings I guess I was hiding from.

My relationship with Matt started when he was 18, and for older guys like myself, it was great. Not being with someone that young, hell I wasn't even looking for anything from him. But him calling everyday, and setting up the plans for my days off made think he kind of needed me too.

The point I guess I was trying to make about this was, I guess when you fall in love with someone, it sticks with you, even when you think it's gone.
Guess I was suprised, but it hurt on the inside a lot.

love is a complex thing, I guess that's what we are all looking for.
I know I am, just without the hurt.

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