SHHHH, don't TELL anyone

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The day I wondered about has finally happened. Someone I have plans to meet with read my blog before our first meet. I'm not sure what or how many entries he read, but he did let me know that he read at least one.

I was very honest in my reply to him. I let him know I do not name names or handles when writing. I feel very strongly about this. I would never identify anyone. I have had in the past two people who identified themselves as the person I wrote about. They did so in comments to a blog entry. It was their choice, I did not ask that they reveal themselves.

This is my diary and I am very open with the information I share about myself. I told the guy I was very sexually active and do schedule multiple meets on the same day. I have never tried to hide who I am or what I do.

I have promised him though if he still wants to meet, which will be his choice, that I would keep that day for him only. He would have to promise to keep the meet in return. I would really like to meet him. As many of you know I am not a game player. When I say I will meet someone it is reserved for that one person only. I also never ask anyone to promise or be obligated for sex. It has to be a choice between the two of us, something both want and are willing to proceed with.

One of my January guys has come through and we will meet next week. Also have a new guy for tomorrow, hard to believe I found someone available on a Saturday. The other new guy who was ill and I just talked to, wants to meet again. My life is remaining the same, new guys and ones I have been with before.

Looking back I remember the first guy I fell for, it was somewhere in between lust and love and then the second one, I fell for him in a big way. Although I am very busy sexually, most of the men I see are married or attached. I keep on wondering if I will ever meet the one, someone single, sexually compatible and someone to care for. That would be my true challenge in life.

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January Bill Blues

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It is the start of a new year and with that all of the hopes and dreams of starting afresh are alive and well. If you're real lucky you are still following through on the resolutions. Me, I've given that up.

The real bad thing about the start of the new year is that it really seems like that is when the bills really pile up. First there is the left over Christmas expenses. Always seem to spend more than I planned and those credit card bills are kind of a shock in January.

Then, there are the medical bills. New lab work, doctor's appointments, and specialists to see. Prescriptions need to be filled. Of course there deductable on the insurance starts anew and the bills have to be paid up front. So all of those bills pile up.

The kids start back to College so there are tuition, books, and fees to pay. Having two of them going to College is a real financial drain. Not to mention they are out of money from the holidays and need some help. Their jobs don't seem to cover the expenses. They have to eat don't they?

Got insurance bills on the car and then taxes will be coming due. All of the regular bills don't go away. They come due as well.

It is no wonder that I couldn't ever keep new year's resolutions. The bills through me into shock and then it was real easy to slip back. Oh, I know what you are thinking. That is all just a bunch of rationalization for not having will power. Well it may be, but it is pretty good rationalizetion, isn't it????

I just have to remember that paying bills means that someone else gets to get paid so they can pay their bills. Maybe their bills go to pay some of my paycheck. Well there you have it. We are just trading money back in forth. I think it gives the illusion that we are keeping our heads above water.

OK, enough procrastination, I'm off to pay some bills. Better check the bank account first. Don't need any extra costs for bouncing checks . . . lol

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A rough draft of my holiday plans

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I talked to my grandmother today and I actually told her how I felt about the upcoming holidays. I told her that I just didn't want to do anything that has to do with my mom. I love the woman to death, but I don't want to go down to try enjoy time with them and get asked every ten minutes "Where is your brother?" I hate to quote Cain, but I am not my brother's keeper. Not in any shape, form, or fashion. To be quite honest, as bull-headed and idiotic as he has been lately, I really like it better when I don't know where he is or what is he up to. Ignorance is bliss.
This is besides the point. I don't want to be hounded about Joe (that is his name), so I told my grandmother right out that I just wasn't going to Mom's. She thought that I meant for Thanksgiving, but I told her that no I meant Christmas. She wasn't too happy... I even went further and said that I was slowly losing my mental sanity and that I need to treat the holidays as just regular days or I might lose it. I am really, REALLY scared that I will lose it and snap. I don't want anyone to have to be the blunt of it. Who knows what might happen?
So, the plans right now stand that I am going to do the usual Tues/Wed thing and then on Thursday, for lunch, my grandparents are treating my brother, my aunt, my uncle, and myself to dinner at a cafe, Mimi's. After that, the rest of the day is up to me to do with as I wish. I will probably go and see if someone is available to hang out. If not, then I will probably come home and catch up on some sleep or reading or something...
As for Christmas, probably what will happen is I will work Christmas Eve until 6:30p or so. I will come home, probably to an empty house since my grandparents go to my great-grandmother's house every Christmas Eve. I will probably get on here and fool around for a while or play some video game until I feel drowsy enough to go to sleep. I will wake-up on Christmas Day, open the presents that my family has for me, and that will be the end of it. The holidays will be gone and I can move onto the next chapter of life. That sounds evil and vile, but that is how I am going to do it. Otherwise... there might be consequences...
Right now, that is the outline that exists. It may change, it may get better, who knows? I still have some hope that someone will come along and make it worth while for me... I might meet them before this season is over, or maybe next year will start my new look on it. Who knows? Either way, I am going to go. I need to get some rest before tomorrow begins... Much love to all.

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Spots. Bleak spots. Im sick of them

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The spots that I am referring to...the plethora of political ads presently being run on TV. I am sick of them. To think of the millions and millions of dollars being spent. They are all the same. Generally, they don’t tell us what the candidate or party who paid for them thinks or intends to do. No, they feel the time and money is better spent tearing down the opposition.

Flip the channel and what do we get? Another :60 spot informing us that the information we just saw on the other channel is nothing but a lie and misinformation. They are endless and mindless if you think about it. All they do is confuse and make one wonder who in the hell is telling the truth. And after we think about that we realize that none of them are. I am so so sick of them. What a waste of time and money. No substance. Little truth or muddled truths at best.

Is it really campaigning or is it just a warm-up in deceptive political speak to prepare the winner for the job they are about to begin? Scarey!

And on to Mentoring:

I attended my mentor orientation meeting this afternoon. The 2 people who conducted it were both very interesting and have been mentors for over 22 years combined. After the meeting we all spent some time with some of the kids so they could watch us interact with the kids to see how we did and who we interacted best with. Im excited about it. At first the kids are a hesitant and reserved but once they start to relax it is easy to see that they have a need and it doesn’t take much to make a difference for them. Caleb called me after I got home and I told him I owed him one for turning me on to it. I think ti is going to be fulfilling. Giving something back is a good thing.

And back to Halloween:

Some people put on masks and costumes and then allow themselves to step outside their normal comfort zone and persona. Others don’t need a costume. All it takes is a few beers. Mark belongs to the latter group lol. And as much as I would like to tell you about it, I don’t have time now. If I wouldn’t have stayed at Calebs as long as I did tonight, I could, BUT I stayed there way longer than I had planned. Maybe I will get time tomorrow after class or before we go out to the club.

And O I checked out the condo that Justin’s gramps is thinking of buying. Justin took me over to see the model. It looked pretty cool. A typical place I guess with a dining area, living room, fireplace, 2 ½ bathrooms, and 2 bedrooms and a small like family room. I have to say it looked a lot more comfortable than my dorm room lol. Have to wait and see what happens with it all. Not sure I could live with Justin without wanting to make a move on him and I wouldn’t want anything like that to happen if turned to be a negative thing between us.

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Long Time Has Passed

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Its hard to believe that it was in August that I last updated this blog. Well, to be honest, not much has happened since then. My last meeting, sadly enough, has been my last meeting. I have tried to talk to him but everytime I see him online, he is too busy to talk. Not sure if he is being honest or not. Really I wish he would just be straight up with me, and let me know for sure whether he enjoyed it or not!

Anyway, my personal life is still what it is, almost non existant. And to be honest, I have not really been all that horny either. Which when I think of it, is actually quite frightening. Perhaps I am reaching a point in my life, which I thought would get here someday, where my world does not revolve around sex? Who knows.

Well, feel free to drop me a line, I would love to here from you, especially if you are going to let me know that this is normal, and that hopefully I am not losing my drive, but rather just slowing down a bit.

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I am Losing My....

Yes it has gotten so bad I can't even think of this complete song lyric. However I know Jobro (Jimmy) will along with who sang it.

Thats right I have lost my zeal and zest for blogging. I wonder if it is writer's block or something else. I feel I am sinking into darkness here in this cyber world. I am running dark. Nothing seems worth writing about.

I feel the world is holding its breath. I am also waiting for something to happen. What I don't know.

No this doesn't have anything to do with the fact that Ms Cookie died on Friday the thirteenth. After all I chose the time and I knew it was coming after I heard the words "liver disease". I also made her a promise and kept it.

This started before all that happened.

Should I have counted to ten before I wrote this, maybe, maybe not. I am not sure. However I feel everyone who reads me may wonder about my absence. You should also know that there is plenty to keep me busy on my side of the screen. But nothing of importance to share with all of you.

Well there is something for you all to chew over. I will wait for lighting and inspiration to strike. Until next time that's that for now.

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A Child shall lead the way

It's 2 a.m. here in New York, everyone is asleep, except me.

I have been reading some of the new blogs, I read one by a young man who shows the hope for tomorrow, and then I read one by another young man that is so filled with hate and bitterness, I wonder, why these two ar so different.

I can not, nor do I except any excuse for tongue in cheek humor, when it comes to writing hate, there is no excuse for it.

Which brings me to this blog.

I have someone in my life, he has two small children, one girl aged 5 and a son who will be 8 years old in a few weeks.

The children live in New York City in the area where the plane crashed into the high rise on East 72nd street. Seeing the fire and all the smoke and how the street looked, they were to scared to stay in the city, part of their fear came from watching the 9/11 event being replayed so many times on TV. They wanted to be with their father, so we have them with us in Troy for awhile.

My "Friend"'s divorce will be final in January, then we will all move back to New York City and start our lives as a family.

For the past few days, I got the chance to play "Mother Hen" again, it's been a long time since I was able to do that, and let me tell you, it's a good feeling to see a young one who is both bright and kind hearted.

Our Sunday started with taking the kids to church, and then we went to a local hospital to visit the children's ward.

Jason and I watched little Jason interact with the kids there, he showed such compassion and was so natural in the way he acted with them, he treated them like he would treat a friend at home.

I don't want to go to much into detail here or this blog will never end, so just let me say that this young man is one of the brightest, kindest, and most grounded 8 year old that I have ever seen.

We all know that one day our Mark is going to be President, well Mark, I have the perfect running mate for you. Jason is only 10 years younger than you are, but when you are ready, he will be to.

I once asked, why me, why was I spared when I should have died at lest twice, maybe this is my answer. Maybe my unfinished task in life is to see young Jason get his start.

Again, I thank any of you who got this far, and as I always say,

Take care and be kind to each other.

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Flight Of Aquavit

That is the title of the book I am reading chapter 7seven of now. One good thing my councilor has helped me with is to ignite my desire to read.

I thoroughly enjoyed Anthony Bidulka's first book Amuse BouchE (French for Appetizer.) That book was a mystery about a gay wedding gone bad. An unsullied reputation at risk, enter Russel Quant cute, gay and a rookie private eye. With a nose for good wine and bad lies. Quant is off to France on his first big case. Tracking the runaway groom that is enjoying the honeymoon itinerary with out the man that planned it.

Flight of Aquavit. excerpt from the back cover

At the dead end of a desolate country road, a late night meeting suddenly becomes an ambush. Gay private detective Russel Quant is faced with personal threats he can't ignore, a friend who may be a foe and a cagey client with a treacherous monkey on his back.
As Quant trails a menacing blackmailer known only as Loverboy, he finds himself immersed in the midnight world of e-dating and parking lot romance.

An example of the style of his writing that has garnered my interest
"I fought my way through the bundled up an package-laden pedestrians until I reached a large sign hoisted high above the street level displaying a single "g" on a rich cream-coloured background. I had arrived at gatt.
Named after it's bon vivant owner, my friend and personal Auntie Mame, Anthony Gatt, gatt is a high-end menswear store from where for a price, even the most slovenly can emerge a gentleman of breeding and exquisite taste. ..."

"No, no, no, no." he began speaking as he walked towards me, the intonation growing in volume and intensity with each repetition of the word. I can't have you in here like that.... or at leas I can't have you leaving like that."
I looked down. It certainly wasn't the coat. I had purchased it at gatt only a couple of months ago. Had it gone out of style already...

It had to be the pants. Nice cotton khakis. What's the problem?
"So boring I could pass out" Anthony said with a convincing yawn as he held forth a pair of pants he'd grabbed seemingly out of thin air. "

I have yet to purchase Anthony's third book "Tapas on the Ramblas," and I hear his fourth book is about to be released in Vancouver. I am entertaining the notion of flying to Vancouver for a vacation timed with the release of his fourth book and possibly snagging a personally autographed copy.

bye for now

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BI CURIOUS _ BRAND NEW

I am not sure how to start this off but here goes. I'm a 50+ married. Had one minor epereince when I was a teen. Nothing since but the PMS.
A few years ago had a fight left and met a nice guy. An I was asked if I wanted to "DICK" around. Well in my youth that ment goof off. But I could see the tightness in this guys shorts, so I new what he ment. An I have always harbored those thoughts. So, we did, and it was the most fabulous time I have had. But I haven't had another since, that was about four years ago. I did return home but to more PMS! I'm in need. But can't seem to make any contact when I can be out unnoticed from home. So While I was drooling over shots on this computer of others, I came across this blog to get started and thought why not.

So, I am searching to see how many other guys in the golden triangle area, I consider scooba to starkville to amory the area of the trinangle, who might be in the same predicament as I. Married and she doesn't Know, but want to have a meet to taste the meat on occastion to recharge the batteries of lust and pleasure.

I was disgusted with the thought of a "rear" encounter. But I have read of some first time expereinces and think that with the right partner that could be enjoyable too, if done slow and with plenty lub. I get a tingle thinking on that!

So this is the BRAND NEW BI CURIOUS blog and we will see what kind of interests it sparks.

I suppose if a guy has never at least tasted anyoje else but is curious might want to weigh in also.

Well I hope to hear from some of you. I can't be the only one looking and lusting with zero luck. there has to be others out there maybe a bit timmit as I am.

Taste ya all later,

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When Things Get Tiresome...

A couple of months ago, some people moved into the house across the street from mine. Nice folks, actually.

About three weeks ago, they had company. The wife's nephew was coming for a visit--a Christmas visit. His Guard unit had been involuntarily re-deployed to Iraq. This was the second involuntary re-deployment for his unit, and for him it would be his third tour. I met him, and we had a nice talk for a couple of hours while the folks were preparing "Christmas" dinner.

Daniel, 25, was killed this Monday in Iraq. I found out when the folks came over to ask me to officiate at his funeral service.

I would like to be able to explain my emotions somewhere, in a way that would just make some sense. Daniel was a college student, a son, a Nephew, a husband, and a Dad.

He went because he was called. I can say this with no fear of successful contradiction, because it was a lot of what we discussed. Soldier to soldier, we fully understood the situation. He did not return happily. And, to be honest he did not return as willingly this time. He had only been on duty for two days when an IED blew him off a Hummer, into several different pieces, and into several different directions.

Why do I say that?

Because, my beloved brothers, as too many of us know, that IS the reality. His final conversation with me was the "what if" conversation. He had a solid faith, which was a joy to share. He had zero faith in his government. He had total faith in his Commander, and in his fellow soldiers, his "Buddies". That is one of the most powerful motivations for a soldier to return to a combat area, you know. "They are over there, doing the deal, and I am over here, doing nothing about it." Guilt, survivor's anxiety, the whole thing.

Today, I serve a grieving family. I serve as the friend of the soldier, as a friend to a soldier's family. I do so proudly.

I also do so with a great personal sadness. I guess that for some this would purely reek of that "Bleeding Heart" Liberal nature of mine. Others of you would refer to this as my moderate conservative leanings getting the better of me.

As I write this, I am awaiting a phone call that will tell me when Daniel's body will arrive here, so that the last battle will be fought, and won for him. It is 0333 and I am trying to make sense of my feelings.

What argument will convince me? What logic will support this? The soldier's heart within me has all the answers to the valiant's defense. The Pastor's heart within me has the words that will fall short of the comfort I would so surely wish to give the family. Both will be heard, and seen and known.

But, you see, my Commander sees this, and more than the tears of this soldier's family, which I have seen, and more than my tears, which I shed unashamedly, I cannot help but focus on the tears which I see on His face. In my heart, I know for a certainty that Daniel is resting in His arms.

But, as the Commander of the Heavenly Host holds Daniel securely in His arms, the look that I see on His face is one of pain, and shock. The tears which flow from His eyes are just as real as those of the many who cry with Him.

This is not a reality of life, or of war. This is the FINAL reality of life, and of war. And, in all the discussions, and arguments, and debates, and strategies, and campaigns both political and military, this IS the final battle.

This need never have happened. This is a quiet time in the night. Yet the words just keep screaming into my head. This, THIS need not have happened. There is no doubt in my mind, or in my heart, that Daniel's valor has no equal. It is completely "valid". So is the pain and anguish of those who loved him, and (like me) only knew him. I have no issue there. I am, after all, a soldier. The old saying is "It doesn't matter when you retire; you never leave!" It is true.

But, I must be honest here, if nowhere else.

I see no honor here. There is no face to hate, or fear, or fight. There is no legitimate cause, upon Daniel's life weighed in the balance. This war is not an honorable campaign. Honorable men and women fight it, and die for it.

This is a war of lies. For those of you, my beloved, who genuinely disagree with me on this, please understand that I do not disrespect you, or your opinions here. I am, however, clearly stating my own.

The rules of logic tell me that a thing can only be true if, and only if, there is no single point at which it is false; otherwise it must necessarily be false, no matter how much truth is contained within it.

There are many of us around this place that can speak to you younger pups for days about how the reality of a war of lies is fought. What you read about as history is, for many of us, recent current events. We know how it feels, and walks, and smells. We know how it tastes, and how it talks, and how it lies.

And, like no small number of you, I too was there when it began, standing in the sand, waiting for word to "jump off". It was a lie then. It is a lie now.

There are too many Daniels. Honorable soldiers who, for no reason other than the call, go. Their honor is not lessened. It is exalted. But they go to fight in a war that is a lie. There is just simply no other way to call it, but what it is. To call it otherwise, or not to call it at all would surely dishonor this valiant soldier.

This is MY heart on the matter. There is no place on this Earth for my heart's truth now, save this little piece of electronic space. So I take it, and I use it. Would I be ashamed if Daniel's family were somehow to see this entry? Absolutely not. Would I feel shame if my comrades, or my commanders were to somehow read this? Absolutely not, and especially not these people. For, unlike many who may read these words and feel anger, those people are the very ones who have the right to evaluate my words. It is they who, side by side, have fought with me and in many cases brought me safe from harm. I believe I honor each of them with the truth-not as the truth is, but the truth as I know it. And, my brothers, if truth is not worth fighting for, it surely is not worth dying for. How much so, then is it to die for a lie?

This war is a lie. And, that is just the simple truth.

And, the only way I can truly honor this fallen hero, if not tell it, is to at least honestly admit it to myself, here. And, so I do.

You see, in reality, that IS life in the closet. You may reel against those words, and say it is my choice. IS it? I think not. Unless you are speaking of my choice to rightly honor a fallen soldier, preserve the peace of his grieving family, and honor his life, and death in a memorial fit for a hero. Then, yes, it very much IS my personal choice. Sometimes, that's how choices are made in real life. Any parent knows this.

I am not in the Closet by choice, my friends. Nor, is the "condition", by which our mostly misundertanding fellow citizens compel me to be in the closet, my choice.

I have been compelled into the Closet in order to fulfill a greater good. My boss has never not seen me there, and has never looked into my eyes with sadness or shame. He completely understands the battle we wage day by day. Like Daniel, He looks into my heart, and sees Himself. Daniel has taken his rest, and we are still fighting the lies.

And, rest assured, fight on I will. I am, after all, a soldier. Not in spite of the Daniels who are dying in such amazing frequency by any means, but rather because of them, and for them.

I must, however, be honest with you. It truly DOES get tiresome. A dear friend imprinted a saying on my soul many years ago when he told me:
"You only get older when you get wrinkles on your heart."

I got a little older these past few days. I wonder how old ya have to get before you graduate?

Man, it just does get tiresome.

Good luck on your journey.

---

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Where's my pants ?

Yep - that's my ass you see to your left. I never wear pants in any of the pictures you see of me. The following explains why:

After a wonderful night with you, I was trying to locate my pants, but I couldn’t find them. Knowing that we had fucked many times and had experienced great sex in many different rooms, I let you sleep while I began my search.

My pants weren’t in the bedroom, where you had ridden me cowboy-style, riding on my long-horn like you were riding a galloping stallion. They weren’t in the master bathroom, either, where you had leaned over the sink while I had my cock slowlyly going in and out of your tight ass. My pants were not in the guest bedroom where I had put a pillow under you and fucked you ‘missionary-style’ and given your ass a nice pounding. Not in the back-bedroom where we had enjoyed the tasty 69 position and I savored the sweet creaminess of your cock. Not in the hall bathroom where I positioned myself on the toilet seat and sucked your nipples while you sat on me and I fucked you as I stroked your massive man-meat. Not in the living room where I was on the sofa and you did me doggie-style and I enjoyed your beautiful cock in my ass, while I stroked my hard-as-a-rock-dick. Not in the dining room where you lay on the table and I sucked your long cock, enjoying the thick, warm milkiness of your love juices. Not in the kitchen where you sat on the counter and I stood and fucked you as we French-kissed. Not in the sunroom, where the night’s moonbeams shone on our naked bodies as we sat facing each other, taking turns putting our dicks in each other's ass, kissing, and I thumbed your nipples. Not in the downstairs family room, where you sucked my cock and you swallowed every drop of my hot white cum on the cushiony couch. Not in the downstairs bedroom where you leaned over on the bed and I stood and pounded your ass with my stiff cock. Not in the game room, where I lay on my back on the pool table with my head draped over the edge of the table and your cock was in my mouth and I fingered your balls as you reached forward and masturbated me with one hand, working my balls, and your other hand pumped my hard, towering cock to explosion. Room after room after room in the big house – still no luck in finding my pants, although I knew that we had experienced at least one sexual encounter in every room I searched. Finally, I went into the garage, where, after opening the car door, I found my pants in the back seat. As I was enjoying the remembrance of the events that had taken place in the car the evening before, you walked up to me, looked straight into my eyes... and you reached down and held my dick.

“Want to fuck again?” you asked, with that horny, sly grin on your face. Now, I remembered what had happened in the car, and it looked like déjà vu was going to happen again.

I sat in the driver’s seat as you entered the passenger’s side, then you leaned over and we kissed, kissing for several minutes as we enjoyed this simple show of affection. French-kissing, we began to explore each other’s naked bodies. I squeezed your prefect ass, and your breathing increased. My fingers stroked your dick as your hands moved on my body, and your right hand settled on my hard cock, where you squeezed it and, although you had held it many times before, you still gasped at its length and thickness.

You leaned down and took my cock into your mouth, stroking the lower shaft with your hand, pumping me as your mouth went up and down, and your tongue flicked the head.

Rock-hard, you raised up and kissed my lips, then your whispered in my ear “I want you to fuck me with that big cock of yours”.

We moved to the back-seat, where my pants told me this was where they had been removed the night before, to give your ass a good pounding.

There was to be a repeat performance.

I lay on my back in the back seat, and you lowered, as we were now in the 69 position, so I could taste your sweet cock while you continued the nice sucking of my thankful dick. Your cock felt great in my mouth.

Then you changed positions, so that your ass was hovering over my straight-up cock as you faced away from me, and you reached down and guided my dick into the entry of your waiting fuck-hole. You moaned loudly as I entered you. My cock moved in and out of you, filling your ass as I plunged deep into you, and I experienced another intense orgasm that I felt all the way down to my curling toes.

As I experienced my ultimate orgasm, your cock, which you were jerking on as you rode me, throbbed and released stream after stream of hot white cum that covered us.

You collapsed onto me, holding me tightly, as the after-shock of your volcanic orgasm continued to tremble your body and you were unable to speak other than releasing a moan of total satisfaction.

Your body exhausted, I led you out of the car (of course, I left my pants behind, as my focus was on you), and I led you upstairs to the bedroom, where I you laid down and I pulled the covers over you, giving you a chance to rest while I went to the kitchen to prepare a nice breakfast for you …

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I didn't know it hurt that much..

I have a friend I told you about, Pete who is in prison.
We are like best of friends that I feel a peace of me is missing all the time.
He knows I have dated a few guys since he has been away.
Pete is not what you would call gay,but he loves me enough to have sex with me. Isn't that cute? I think so.

I did seen a guy I was dating a while back tonight at work. We went out for 6 or 8 months, and I was, well in love.
He was 18 when we met, and now 20.
When I saw him tonight it mad me feel kind of sad and mad at the same time.
I didn't realize how much I have been avoiding going and looking to date again.
Matt hurt me real bad when we broke up, and seeing him again brought back how much I loved him.
I wonder if that's why he came to my work tonight?

My relationship with Pete is like a friendship and more, but with love and me caring about him very much. Not being gay, how much can we have a sexual relationship?
Pete looks more to me for stability and caring about him more than anything else. Now that he's 28, he still has a life to live, and I would never stand in his way, just as long as I'm a part of that.
So the situation we have been in is fine.

The thing with Matt tho I thought I was over him, but seeing him brought back some feelings I guess I was hiding from.

My relationship with Matt started when he was 18, and for older guys like myself, it was great. Not being with someone that young, hell I wasn't even looking for anything from him. But him calling everyday, and setting up the plans for my days off made think he kind of needed me too.

The point I guess I was trying to make about this was, I guess when you fall in love with someone, it sticks with you, even when you think it's gone.
Guess I was suprised, but it hurt on the inside a lot.

love is a complex thing, I guess that's what we are all looking for.
I know I am, just without the hurt.

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Open Minded Man

We all like to enjoy the pleasure of everyone's company even myself weather it be going out an enjoying ourselves.

I have some good friends and some friends that I like to keep behind closed doors until they and I can be open with everyone.

We all like to experiment with others in finding out what we all like to try and not try, maybe thats why we are here.

We all have tried in some way or another the same sex and some have found like myself thats its ok, but its better to enjoy it with a female as well so that the experience is alot more full filling.

So I can say that I am bi and do enjoy the company of guys at times but would rather have fun with a girl that is open minded as well.

To find a girl that is open minded, who likes to try different things is alot more fun. So any thoughts on what I said let me know ok or contact me if you want to enjoy an Open Mind that is free.

I have found out that there are a lot of things to be learned out there and am always willing to be taught or to help teach others as we enjoy the passion, sensuality and excitement that can be found when people get comfortable with one another. I always meet and talk before meeting to ensure chemistry..... not looking for drama or to change my living arrangements, looking for someone to share passion, pleasure and hot, sometimes sweaty sex!

Big Hug to you all

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a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is into your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

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The coach

So maybe I have a dirty mind, but this situation came up, which inspired me to write another fantasy. It was just too good to be made up, but the story lacked sex. So I took the liberty of adding myself and a steamy sex scene! LOL So here is how the story SHOULD have gone.

So I am a football coach at a small college in Illinois. One day while walking back to my office, which adjoins the guys locker room, I notice one of the students walking ahead of me. It is a time of day that there is no one around typically. Something about the way he walked into the locker room, really got me wondering what he was going in there for. I waited about fifteen minutes, and then walked in. As soon as I opened the door, I could hear someone scurrying out of the locker area, and into a stall. I walked through the lockers untill I found one that was open and had a complete set of clothes sitting next to it. I raised my voice and said..."Anybody in here?", knowing full well there was. No reply. Well, we don't need these things to be stolen. (Wink) So I picked up the clothes and took them back to my office. So, I sit at my desk, and begin to check my emails. After about twenty minutes, there is a quiet knock at my door. "Come on in", I say with a little bit of amusement and anticipation. The door opens, and in walks the hotty that I had been expecting. He was about five feet eleven inches tall and had long flowing hair. He ordinarily had a smile that would stop traffic, but he definitely looked like he wanted to crawl under a rock at this moment. He stood there without a stitch of clothing on, holding a laptop computer over his midsection, and staring at the floor. I asked "Mark, what are you doing in here at this time?" He kept looking at the floor and began to stumble with his words as he replied. I cut in quickly, and said, "were you jerking off?" He looked up at me for a second, and quickly looked down. He started "well I......I was just...I.." I cut in again and said "Mark, all guys do it........you shoud have just answered me when I asked if anyone was in here..." Mark looked up again, and saw that I did not have my usual menacing look on my face. He looked a little relieved. I continued, "You know even I do that sometimes when I have the place to myself..." He looked up at me with an astonished look on his face....in disbelief. I then say, "well Mark, if you were in my shoes right now, how would you punish yourself?" I chuckled as I said that, and then continued, "There has to be some way that I could be convinced to keep this little incident to myself" as I laughed even more. Mark smiled at my humor, and asked "what would you like?" as the traffic stopping smile came back to his face. "Well, for starters, I would like to see that computer." I said. He walked over toward me and handed me the computer. His dick was at full attention, as he said,"now what?" I rolled my chair out, and spun it to face him. I then said, "you don't HAVE to do anything, but if your looking for suggestions, why don't you get down on your knees and suck my cock." To my delight, Mark kneeled down between my legs. I slid myself to the edge of my seat, and unzipped my fly. I took my already hard dick out, and grabbed his hair and pulled him to my cock. As soon as his lips and tounge reached my dick, I shuddered with the electric waves that came over me. I began pushing and pulling his head up and down while uncontrolably grinding my hips at the same time. There was something about the shear excitement of this whole situation, that was driving me wild. "Oh yeah thats it.....just like that!" I said. Mark then took my balls in his hand and began to squeeze lightly. My heart was about to jump out of my chest. I was definitely past the point of no return. I take his head and begin to thrust forcefully into his throat. The tension was building........Oh.......Ohhhh.......Ohhhhhhh......OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!...........
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!.........AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!.............
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!.....Ohhh....Ahhh.....

After a moment or two I begin to come back to reality. I look at the clock...and suddenly remember that I was supposed to be in a staff meeting right now...Oh shit! I zip up and quickly try to straighten myself. I open my desk drawer, and pull out a key. I pull Mark up off his knees, put my arms around him and give him a huge bear hug. I pause to kiss him slowly. I turn and hurriedly walk to the door. I turn when I get to the door, smile and say, "tomorrow I won't leave you hangin, I promise"..."Lock up when you go will ya?" and I tossed him the spare office key, and raced out the door...

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Hi to every single gay!!

Hi, gays.

Is it interesting to make posts? Or its better to read it? Make you choice and wellcome to my postings.

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